DTR connected to Pin 1 for "auto reset" with a 0.1uF capacitors ( not sure why... )
The boot loader only looks to see if there is a program to down load for a few seconds after reset. Unless you auto reset the board you have to hold down the manual reset, click upload, wait for the size message to appear, wait two more seconds and then release the reset.
Speed should be 57600 for uploading.
The upload speed is set automatically there is no need to do anything.
I am using a 16.670 MHz crystal.
Yes that is about 5% out, it is enough to make it not work.