Use the first example, "Circuit (targeting Arduino Duemilanove or Diecimila)", with your Lilypad on top.
Alternatively, if you just want to upload sketches to the Lilypad and don't want to go through all the ICSP stuff you could just remove the ATMega328 chip from your Duemilanove then jumper across wires connecting +5v, ground, reset, TX and RX and program it directly.
I hadn't installed arduino on this new computer yet, so I went through the process and I can't get the program to communicate with the boards.
The RX flashes 3 times then nothing. after a timeout I get the classic
avrdude: stk500_getsync(): not in sync: resp=0x00
I tried installing the FTDI drivers that came with the arduino software, and the com port shows up in control panel (com 6).
I also tried installing the drivers directly from the FTDI website. Restarting the computer after every step of course to try and eliminate as many variables as possible.
I've also been googling this problem all afternoon and tried all suggestions such as hitting the reset button etc etc etc.
I'm just about to give up! I can't even tell if I can program the lilypad with connections I've made (they are connected correctly!)
Does the Lilypad work if you connect vcc and ground (hopefully it has the default program of blinking the LED on pin 9). If that works, can you connect the reset line and see if the Duemilanove's reset button can reset the Lilypad?
The reset button on the duemilanove does not reset the lilypad. the lilypad's light just continues to blink. when I press the reset button on the lilypad itself the light goes off while I hold it in.
Question, should I be jumpering the connections on the duemilanove board from the ic socket directly or from the header pins? because I'm currently taking them from the header pins.
Definitely the header pins; no need to go to the IC socket and risk damage.
Where are you connecting reset? I just looked at the Lilypad schematic and it looks like it should go to the DTR header pin? If so, is there any way you can try to bypass the capacitor and resistor since the Duemilanove will already have it?