The rest of the posters here seem a rather grumpy unhelpful lot.........
If you were to browse through just some of the many thousands of posts on these forums and noticed the abundance of patient, helpful replies from the same members that responded to your request for help, I think you would realize that they are not a 'rather grumpy, unhelpful lot'. To quote someone's words from a post of this thread:
isn't it best to be honest?
These guys give a lot of their own time and vast knowledge of all sorts of technical areas. If you cannot comply with their methods of assistance then perhaps a member here can create what circuitry and code you need for a small fee or exchange. Just ask. - Scotty