Bearlover:
I can't get the things to work so I'm wondering whether my soldering job may be the problem!
From what you've described, I seriously doubt think you've damaged anything physically.
All the same, just to simplify things, forget the abrasives and alcohol to get the solder to stick better. It'll stick just fine all by itself. The only time you need to clean things up is if they are seriously corroded or contaminated with gunk. In that case, a light abrasive and something like isopropyl would probably be fine.
I'd look for your problem elsewhere. These are very robust components, and difficult to damage.