That was part of the question..
what bootloader to use that is FOR SURE 3.3v "&" internal 8MHz clock...
Lillypad? (doesnt say internal 8MHZ clock)..
I found the breadboard.txt file (finally)...
so Im going to now assume that is the only/correct one to use..
In the end I will attempt to put some ICSP 'pads' on the pcb.. no headers.. no through holes.. (not enough room)..
I 'want' to use a bootloader... I do not want to fool around with any AVRDude.. or other ways of flashing/uploading....etc
I want to keep it simple and user freindly..
that means regular USB/Arduino IDE...
and for bootloader.. my simple FTDI USB >> TTL cable
what I have and what has worked for me so far.. 
I still am not clear on my questions though..
I have read many threads with conflicting info..
1.) DO YOU or DO YOU NOT need to have a 16MHz crystal/caps set-up to burn a 3.3v/8MHz bootloader? (just yesterday someone was posting on this..and he could only do it with full set-up/parts... otherwise errors?)
This will NOT be possible.. unless I flash all chips before using them assembly.. (not very practical.. to flash or test after for 328TQFP chips)
2.) DO I need to power the board with +5v or with +3.3v to flash bootloader?
etc..etc..
thanks!
man,.. I didnt even get this porject last night.. as Im 'STUCK' on this nightmare of a PROBLEM here:
http://arduino.cc/forum/index.php/topic,140502.msg1057856.html#msg1057856
both schematic and brd layout posted..
powered by FTDI board works.. powered by battery +/- pads (and hence through the +5v regulator).. power led and pin 13 led blinks like crazy! together.. in tandem!
=(