Eclipse IDE C++ and Serial.begin()/print/whatever wants to destroy my life

No special options are required, but some settings in eclipse and the general project setup are critical. Declaring HardwareSerial extern or some such thing is definitely not required, you must have a broken setup.

Look here for a detailed explanation:
http://www.arduino.cc/playground/Code/Eclipse

Be aware that there are quite a few bugs in the eclipse AVR plugin, and some in the eclipse CDT plugin which the AVR one is based on.