Points at grumpy Ha Haaaa!
Beat ya! 
Before the TSR80, with a home made camera, a home designed/built Z80 'pc' and a neural net; I was able to identify if the "camera" was looking left, right or centre of a scene.
The camera used a loop of super 8 film (hand cranked, never motorized it) as a pixel mask to give a 16 and then a 64 pixel (8x8) device (just filmed a white card on a black background to create a moving window) and a single photo transistor 
No forums (or web) back then The point being, don't let them tell you it's impossible, keep plodding and use your imagination. There are many ways to the solution, but the fastest way there is to understand the problem. 
I was talking to a guy a couple of years ago who was into neural nets, and he said he uses high end video cards, and hacks the multiple cores/processors as a very fast engine to "parallel process" his nets.
Now matter how fast the processor, we will always overload it with crud and make out it's slow! Like cupboard space, you always have 10% more rubbish than space!