The green stuff in the backyard is growing, why??????
Because you didn't put in a rock garden or just get it paved over?
I've been told that I have to use a machine that uses environmentally harmful, carcinogenic products, makes unprecedented amounts or harmful chemicals, but it fixes this green stuff.
Solution: move south. Way south down where the funny birds that swim live and there are no taxes.
OTOH no gas stations, supermarkets, local bars, etc unless there's a friendly port or research station nearby.
That'll fix ya.