I completely forgot to mention that I reversed the pin out from the I/O expander to the LCD because when I solder it together it will end up saving me a lot of time and effort. thats why the commands look wrong to you.
This is what I came up with to set the LCD to use 2 rows. and it seems to be working.(though IIRC the last two make no difference what state their in
#define interLeng B00111111
now I just use
#define line2Curs B11000000
and the cursor jumps to the second row :]
I'm not used to using hex so all these codes are troublesome for me to interpret, but I seem to be getting better the more I use it! Thanks for the info as well floresta, I'm sure it will be invaluable in the future.