total noob here

I followed the trouble shooting guide to the best of my ability. I have nothing plugged into my uno (sans usb cable

) I have tried many combo's of "plug in usb", "rest arduino", "click upload button" with various timings, and it just won't fly.
Green led: on
orange led: flashing
pin 13 led: flashing
tools > board : uno
tools > com : 3 (only available)
driver: says I have best version
Any help so appreciated, its not even funny

Either this happens:
C:\Users\Silly\Desktop\arduino-0022\hardware/tools/avr/bin/avrdude -CC:\Users\Silly\Desktop\arduino-0022\hardware/tools/avr/etc/avrdude.conf -v -v -v -v -patmega328p -cstk500v1 -P\\.\COM3 -b115200 -D -Uflash:w:C:\Users\Silly\AppData\Local\Temp\build3351923714277514082.tmp\Fad3.cpp.hex:i
avrdude: Version 5.4-arduino, compiled on Oct 11 2007 at 19:12:32
Copyright (c) 2000-2005 Brian Dean, <snip linky>
System wide configuration file is "C:\Users\Silly\Desktop\arduino-0022\hardware/tools/avr/etc/avrdude.conf"
Using Port : \\.\COM3
Using Programmer : stk500v1
Overriding Baud Rate : 115200
avrdude: ser_open(): setting dtr
avrdude: Send: 0 [30] [20]
or (best case I guess, since there is at least more text...

)
Binary sketch size: 1296 bytes (of a 32256 byte maximum)
C:\Users\Silly\Desktop\arduino-0022\hardware/tools/avr/bin/avrdude -CC:\Users\Silly\Desktop\arduino-0022\hardware/tools/avr/etc/avrdude.conf -v -v -v -v -patmega328p -cstk500v1 -P\\.\COM3 -b115200 -D -Uflash:w:C:\Users\Silly\AppData\Local\Temp\build3351923714277514082.tmp\Fad3.cpp.hex:i
avrdude: Version 5.4-arduino, compiled on Oct 11 2007 at 19:12:32
Copyright (c) 2000-2005 Brian Dean, <snip linky>
System wide configuration file is "C:\Users\Silly\Desktop\arduino-0022\hardware/tools/avr/etc/avrdude.conf"
Using Port : \\.\COM3
Using Programmer : stk500v1
Overriding Baud Rate : 115200
avrdude: ser_open(): setting dtr
avrdude: Send: 0 [30] [20]
avrdude: Send: 0 [30] [20]
avrdude: Send: 0 [30] [20]
avrdude: Recv:
avrdude: Recv:
AVR Part : ATMEGA328P
Chip Erase delay : 9000 us
PAGEL : PD7
BS2 : PC2
RESET disposition : dedicated
RETRY pulse : SCK
serial program mode : yes
parallel program mode : yes
Timeout : 200
StabDelay : 100
CmdexeDelay : 25
SyncLoops : 32
ByteDelay : 0
PollIndex : 3
PollValue : 0x53
Memory Detail :
Block Poll Page Polled
Memory Type Mode Delay Size Indx Paged Size Size #Pages MinW MaxW ReadBack
----------- ---- ----- ----- ---- ------ ------ ---- ------ ----- ----- ---------
eeprom 65 5 4 0 no 1024 4 0 3600 3600 0xff 0xff
Block Poll Page Polled
Memory Type Mode Delay Size Indx Paged Size Size #Pages MinW MaxW ReadBack
----------- ---- ----- ----- ---- ------ ------ ---- ------ ----- ----- ---------
flash 65 6 128 0 yes 32768 128 256 4500 4500 0xff 0xff
Block Poll Page Polled
Memory Type Mode Delay Size Indx Paged Size Size #Pages MinW MaxW ReadBack
----------- ---- ----- ----- ---- ------ ------ ---- ------ ----- ----- ---------
lfuse 0 0 0 0 no 1 0 0 4500 4500 0x00 0x00
Block Poll Page Polled
Memory Type Mode Delay Size Indx Paged Size Size #Pages MinW MaxW ReadBack
----------- ---- ----- ----- ---- ------ ------ ---- ------ ----- ----- ---------
hfuse 0 0 0 0 no 1 0 0 4500 4500 0x00 0x00
Block Poll Page Polled
Memory Type Mode Delay Size Indx Paged Size Size #Pages MinW MaxW ReadBack
----------- ---- ----- ----- ---- ------ ------ ---- ------ ----- ----- ---------
efuse 0 0 0 0 no 1 0 0 4500 4500 0x00 0x00
Block Poll Page Polled
Memory Type Mode Delay Size Indx Paged Size Size #Pages MinW MaxW ReadBack
----------- ---- ----- ----- ---- ------ ------ ---- ------ ----- ----- ---------
lock 0 0 0 0 no 1 0 0 4500 4500 0x00 0x00
Block Poll Page Polled
Memory Type Mode Delay Size Indx Paged Size Size #Pages MinW MaxW ReadBack
----------- ---- ----- ----- ---- ------ ------ ---- ------ ----- ----- ---------
calibration 0 0 0 0 no 1 0 0 0 0 0x00 0x00
Block Poll Page Polled
Memory Type Mode Delay Size Indx Paged Size Size #Pages MinW MaxW ReadBack
----------- ---- ----- ----- ---- ------ ------ ---- ------ ----- ----- ---------
signature 0 0 0 0 no 3 0 0 0 0 0x00 0x00
Programmer Type : STK500
Description : Atmel STK500 Version 1.x firmware
avrdude: Send: A [41] . [80] [20]
avrdude: Recv:
avrdude: Recv:
avrdude: Recv:
avrdude: Send: A [41] . [81] [20]
avrdude: Recv:
avrdude: Recv:
avrdude: Recv:
avrdude: Send: A [41] . [82] [20]
avrdude: Recv:
avrdude: Recv:
avrdude: Recv:
avrdude: Send: A [41] . [98] [20]
avrdude: Recv:
avrdude: Recv:
avrdude: Recv:
Hardware Version: 3
Firmware Version: 3.3
avrdude: Send: A [41] . [84] [20]
avrdude: Recv:
avrdude: Recv:
avrdude: Recv:
avrdude: Send: A [41] . [85] [20]
avrdude: Recv:
avrdude: Recv:
avrdude: Recv:
avrdude: Send: A [41] . [86] [20]
avrdude: ser_send(): write error: sorry no info avail