Now what i would really love to is to upload sketches right from the IDE using nothing more than a tiny usb-to-serial module (CP210), but i'm finding it to be a huge pain.
When the IDE prints the size of the compiled sketch is when to release the reset switch.
I think either the DTR or RTS signal will do the same reset feature. This signal needs to wire to a series .1mfd capacitor and then onto the reset pin on the 328. That would allow the IDE to reset the chip at the proper time before the upload begins.