I would hope I'm not that much of a noob,
Well we do get all sorts here, so you have to cover all bases.
Yes I was looking at the wrong pinout, that data sheet has very small print on an iPad.
Well there is not much else to go wrong, only a faulty chip or miss wiring. As it is from the examples I think we can rule out software errors.
I would probe on the pins of the chip to see if you can see signs of activity with a scope if you can get hold of one. Is it on solder less bread board? Have you misidentified breaks in the tracks. Check the voltages on the actual pins.
Sorry I don't have anything more positive to try.