thanks for the quick responses!
1:how can i measure the drawIf it's a 12volt coil relay just wire it across a 12vdc power source and measure the current in series with a meter.
2:should i get a slightly smaller relay?No, just size the switching transistor (max current rating and voltage) well above the current draw of the relay coil.
3:the arduino could make the relay click before, now it cant... do these things fry easily?No, relays don't fry easily. Perhaps you damaged the arduino output pin by drawing too much current to it or somehow wired +12vdc to the output pin?
4:thanks for all the helpYour welcome. Just follow closely the arduino relay drawing - http://arduino.cc/playground/uploads/Main/relays.pdf