Arduino nano + enc28j60 communicate with laptop remotely

i have arduino nano and ethernet shield enc28j60. I want to send data to arduino via the ethernet shield and the interface I want to succeed at the end is the computer connected to the network and the arduino that is with the ethernet shield being connected by the pin Vin to an external source with the ethernet shield being connected to the router. Generally I want to load the arduino code remotely through the ethernet shield and interact with the digital outputs. How can I get this interface? Is there a procedure I have to follow?