This is the last tale of my time in Surrey - but there have been other contracts since, with other amusing incidents......
Allan
Tale 3 - of Sarah Stimulator mode and Geoff's revenge.
Written in metaphorical blood above the specifications for the gate were the words ' thou shalt not hit the punter'.
This was because, ages before we joined the team, they'd held a trial run at Waterloo using the old 3-pronged rotating style of gate - you still sometimes see them at zoos and suchlike places.
Unfortunately a drunk somehow got his neck stuck under the downward pointing prong - how on earth he managed this we can't imagine. The fire brigade were called to extract him, and proceeded to hacksaw through the prong - not realising they were designed such that a really good heave would break them.
During this process the drunk expired.
So the gate design was changed to the flapping paddle sort you see today.
There are in fact 4 paddles on a gate - two are in operation and the other two are permanently open. This is so that in a station with many gates the operator can designate more gates in one direction than the other to deal with big flows in that direction during eg morning rush hour. In the evening rush some would be re-assigned to the other direction.There are 5 photocells to monitor the punter's progress through the gate
Geoff thought the punter spec was a bit restrictive, so he designed an alternative method he named 'Sarah Stimulator Mode' after a particularly well-endowed secretary. The idea is this:
Step one - the punter inserts a ticket. The gates open.
Step two - he walks through the walkway.
Step three - when he gets to the middle, all gates shut.
Step four - all gates now open and shut quickly, battering him nicely.
Step five - the software is now in a 'do forever' loop, so only removing the power will stop the battering.
We all had a good giggle over this - but Geoff had a little gleam in his eye as said he'd heard that the big boss who had fired him was going to visit again soon. We laid our plans.
Naturally the boss wanted to see that all the money he was spending on development was being put to good use, so he wanted a demonstration of progress.
The gate's paddles are in fact worked by compressed air at 40 psi. The pneumatic cylinders have little restrictors in them so they move gently.
We wound up the pressure reducing valve to full whack - now the cylinders would get the full 140 psi provided by the big compressor in the basement. We also removed the restrictors.
The big day came. All those in the know lurked in the lab. A small snigger from little Malc was ruthlessly suppressed by his co-conspirators. Geoff sat by the gate hacking away on his development system, reasonably smartly dressed.
Of course, we'd never seen the big boss before, and he'd never met us. He turned out to be a very small guy with a fierce look on his face.
Not for long.
As he approached the gate Geoff pressed the key which inaugurated SS mode. The ticket went in . At the middle of the gate, as SS mode struck with the power of a piledriver, the boss's face became red. With enormous willpower the team looked concerned as Geoff hacked and hacked at the development machine - all to no avail.
Eventually one of the mechs had the presence of mind to disconnect the compressed air, and with a pneumatic sigh the boss was free. As he was led away his glare looked as if it would ignite bricks, but though he knew he'd been had, nothing could be proved - a software bug was blamed.
Geoff's smile was inextinguishable for weeks, as was his arse.
Revenge is sweet!