after 1-2 more hours of fiddling around, i'm not sure what i have done, but it seems to be working. the delay lasts 8 times as long as i expected, but when i change to attiny85 1 MHz internal, the delay is right. i'll have to give this some thought.
now comes the anxiety of taking it apart and trying to re-assemble it (not knowing what i did to make it work).