Hi,
sorry for the long silence
I made some progress! The main problem was that i bought dirt cheap 18pF capacitors from China.
With those the crystal doesn't oscillate at all. I fixed that quickly with way to large, but working 1206 caps for the test.
That way I was able to flash the bootloader using an STK500.
Unfortunately the Board is not recognized by may notebook if i plug it in via USB.
Strangely it is recognized if i have the STK connected to the ISP header at the same time!?
Is that maybe a problem with my Reset Pullup? (I had no external resistor soldered in during the test)