Suppose I do this:
int ledPin = 3;
int relayPin = 3;
digitalWrite(relayPin, LOW);
digitalWrite(ledPin, HIGH);
Now, can I really connect a relay AND an LED to the same pin, and expect them to be on and off independently? Of course not.
For the same reason, you can not expect SoftwareSerial and HardwareSerial to sand and receive data using the same pins.
Use different pins for the software serial instance, and connect the XBee to those pins.