Ok, I found a way to get it (sort of) working through the FTDI adapter.
The guy on this site (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jnf-7NToJSI) 'beats' everything into submission:
He has FTDI232 connected to Pro Mini. When he starts uploading the Blink sketch to the Pro Mini, he gets exactly the same error that I do:
avrdude: stk500_recv(): programmer is not responding
avrdude: stk500_getsync() attempt 10 of 10: not in sync: resp=0x91
But, after 'attempt 1 of 10', he simply unplugs the usb from the adapter, plugs it back in, and hits Upload again.... and it works.
So, I tried it, and yes, it works, though not as regularly as with him.
I know he doesn't even have a 0.1uF capacitor in his setup, but the implication for MY scenario must then be that the chip does NOT reset for uploading?
Thank you!