Chinese Counterfeit vs. Auduino

I believe my issues are fraudulent Nanos

They could be clones and just missing a bootloader so you can't download code into them.
Do you have a Programmer, it connects to the the ICSP header, to load the bootloader?
Or perhaps they use CH340G for the USB/Serial interface and you are just missing the driver on your computer for it.

Maybe this thread was split of another thread.

But what is your issue?

I believe my issues are fraudulent Nanos

In the light of the information you provide, it is much more likely that the Chinese are entirely innocent but you don't know what you are doing, and nobody else knows what you are doing either.