Clearly I'm not using the analog pins correctly...

But the pot isn't giving me any value other than infinite resistance on the wiper (1023).

The analogue port does not measure resistance but voltage.

Even when I used my multimeter and tested wiper to ground I was getting OL on the meter. So there's problem #1- why isn't the resistance changing as the pot moves??

A broken pot? Or misinterpretation of what pin the wiper is.