Didn't try shiftOut(), and I really have no idea anymore. My head's fuzzy, I've been at this for weeks now so I'm starting to skip over simple stuff (see hz/mhz confusion) and it's four in the morning so that ain't helping much.
I'll work on it some more later. I just gotta figure out some way to get the chips to stay in the breadboard now. Seems like taking two of the power rail bus type things off the breadboards and using them is working. Maybe. I hope.