Diymore ESP32 Cam - upload esptool.pyissue

I reviewed all issues on the ESP32 DM in the forum and executed all without success
I believe the problem is that there is no esptool.py file
My arduino IDE is set up properly however I don't know how to switch to terminal or python or esptool to get the DM module bootloader and to flash I have Window 10 , tried with FTDI and then tried with a uno board used 5v and 3.3v
With uno board program stops at " Leaving Hard resetting at RTS pin " It probably wants me to download the esptool.py but I don't know how ; also in "programmer " not available
With the FTDI I can not get a com XX port in arduino IDE tools
Can some walk me thru the arduino/python esptool interface I have python and did down load esptool but don't know how to put it all together. What python 2.7 or 3.9 should I use - need a lot of help here