another issue 
this time im using a USBasp as usb->ttl converter http://ullihome.de/wiki/USBAVRLab/Firmwares/USBasp . yes they are ttl voltages as the DMM says 4.56v when measuring on GND and TXD. it passes the loop back test and i still get 0x00 error (no connection at all) when uploading...
i am using the manual method to reset it on upload but ive done it plenty of time before on another arduino.