The main issue is that using a planetary gear would change the gear ratio which is already what I need, so even the with the smallest 1:3 ratio it would be too much.
For the time being, this is what I think of going with:
2 bevel gears, 1 connected to the focuser shaft, the other connected to the motor shaft, so that gives me a 90 degree angle and the motor will be standing with the motor shaft downwards.
I plan on having a 3D printed part that will be going from the top to the bottom holding it, with this being connected to the actual cover I'll have for the whole assembly which will include outer threads that I'll thread the thing that will hold the motor, by screwing that in and out I'll engage/disengage the motor's bevel to the focuser's bevel.
I tried to check out some other solution for pushing the motor up and down(springs, etc, etc), but I think manually doing that will give me overall the best results in terms of how tight(or perhaps the opposite to prevent binding) I'd want the gears to be. Of course I'll need to be very careful about how I engage it, but it should be ok.
That might not be the best design, but I think it's a fairly easy one to make.