Many inputs in the Forum is about powering relays and how to avoid interference between relay coils and Arduino.
I found it impossible to drive a solenoid valve with a relay even with opt coupler and local power to the relay coil (tough common GND for coil and Arduino).
The solution in my case was to find a relay that could be powered locally with no common GND.
The 4*shift opt coupler relay module VMA400 from Vellman was the answer.
remove the jumper
connect the external supply (9V) with + to VCC on the module and – to GND on the module. The coils are then driven by the external.
Arduino should be connected with its GND to COM on the module and with signal wire (HIGH/LOW) to the In-pins on the module.
Hope a lot of troubles out there can be avoided by this total insolation btwn Arduino and Relays.