Get hex from arduino ide?

(i've tried: capacitor 100 uF between reset and +5V, resistor 110 - 220 ohm between reset and ground, cut off "reset-en" wire; all with arduino isp sketch from "examples").

Did you try 10uF between reset and ground, or resistor between reset and +5V.

Also it would be a good idea to use version 0022, because there are some changes in the 1.00 that causes trouble

If you don't want to use an old version, take a look at this

http://arduino.cc/forum/index.php/topic,99394.0.html