It's been a busy day on the Internet ...

It's all happening today. :)

I've had half a dozen undelivered parcels, which - apparently - I can retrieve by opening the supplied .zip file.

My Westpac bank account has been closed due to fraud, which I can recover from by supplying my banking details ... except I don't bank with Westpac.

There have been some overpayments to iTunes, which I can recover by following a link.

I got a $2500 tax refund, which I can get by following another link.

Olga, an exceedingly pretty woman (she thoughtfully provided a photo) wants to meet and marry me.

Apparently someone in Nigeria has a lot of money they want me to help launder, as well.

It's hard to know where to start, when faced with such an embarrassment of riches!

I've had emails from Olga's sister with the same deal. I don't think my other half would approve.

Weedpharma

You mean that you didn't get an email telling you that you had won a large sum in a lottery (that you never bought a ticket for)? Or a phone call from Microsoft Service Centre telling you that you have a virus on your computer? Not such a busy day after all. :)

US$230.5 million
I seek a nobleman or woman that can work in partnership with me to claim and transfer $230.5 million dollars deposited in a Security Company which has remain unclaimed since 2002. The Funds will be moved to any of our Offshore bank in your name to secure it first. The Principal will be shared on a 50/50 basis. E-mail me your info as below. Your Name: Address: Phone Number: Occupation: Scan Copy ID: Reply to my email below : alexander_troy55@yahoo.com Yours faithfully, Mr Alexander Troy Email: alexander_troy55@yahoo.com

Yeeha! I’m rich! I’m rich I tells ya!

Oh. Wait. He wants a nobleman. If only my Scottish grandmother had not married my German grandfather. Curse those wonderful people for turning out mutts!

Nigerian grammatical error/typo. He want's to NOBBLE a man!

I've had a number of phone calls from Telstra (the local phone provider) who start to tell me there is a problem with my computer before I laugh at them and hang up.

BTW it's always suspicious when you get an email (as I now have in front of me) telling me to click on a link, and when I hover over the link a completely different URL to the displayed one shows up.

A bit like this: https://eparceltrack.auspost.com.au/external/webui/aspx?LabelCode=label_blahblahblah

Oh and I just got a "holiday wish from my son Tom" (the rest is in Chinese).

But wait, I don't have a son named Tom!

How is he?

If he existed, I'm sure he'd be fine.

I hope he's enjoying his stay in China, anyway. Is Olga with him?

I saw Tom in China, he does look a little like you i.e. he wears the same glasses as you.

I was thinking about getting an air horn siren to blast the workers trying to get rid of my viruses. Does anyone know if the phone system would reduce the level to a non annoying level?

Weedpharma

weedpharma: I was thinking about getting an air horn siren to blast the workers trying to get rid of my viruses. Does anyone know if the phone system would reduce the level to a non annoying level?

Weedpharma

Better off with a high pitched squeal doesn't have to be loud, just ear piercing.

A signal generator fed directly into the mic wires might be perfect, might have to get it down to the mV range though.

Hi, If any of your relatives/friends are in the UK, can one of them pick up the 90,000BP Range Rover I won. Auction it and pay the UK Chancellor of the Exchequer my tax, bill. If they then send me their account details I can transfer the rest of the 90,000 into their account. Really, everybody is doing it these days.

They can then fix my itunes account, the $312.15 I owe the US IRS, oh and the paypal account that has been frozen along with my creditcard.

Three times I have given the Nigerians my details, you would think everybody knows Mickey and Minny Mouse have a joint account.

JimboZA, sorry mate Olga is two timing us.

Before I delete my con mail I print them out, there must a a www.templates.r.us out there, supplying these guys. Very bad repetitive punctuation. i instead of I, No capital letter after a fullstop. Exactly the same wording.

Tom... :)

It's part of the scam. They try to appear to be a little bit stupid so you think you can get away with the Nigerian prince's millions. The real people behind it (they always stand one or two layers back) are extremely smart and rich. The script with poor english is very carefully constructed to appear to be the right kind of poor.

Personally when a caller asks me to access my computer, and I have the time, I keep them on the line for as long as possible. My record so far is 34 minutes. Some ideas, sorry please repeat I do not understand your English, after 20 min I say "I have a Apple computer not a PC", Norton Security says your web site is known to have problems and has blocked access to it, I often tell them I've typed the URL in with extra letters or numbers 'p_sses them off of most of the time', I get a 404 error, I don't have Admin access, etc.

Usually they hang up in exasperation.

MorganS: It's part of the scam. They try to appear to be a little bit stupid so you think you can get away with the Nigerian prince's millions. The real people behind it (they always stand one or two layers back) are extremely smart and rich. The script with poor english is very carefully constructed to appear to be the right kind of poor.

Agreed. Apparently the obvious references to Nigeria, and the bad spelling is intended to weed out people who wouldn't fall for the scam anyway. Thus the people silly enough to think someone in Nigeria is going to send them money, self-select to reply, and they are the ones worth cultivating.

LarryD: Personally when a caller asks me to access my computer, and I have the time, I keep them on the line for as long as possible. My record so far is 34 minutes. Some ideas, sorry please repeat I do not understand your English, after 20 min I say "I have a Apple computer not a PC", Norton Security says your web site is known to have problems and has blocked access to it, I often tell them I've typed the URL in with extra letters or numbers 'p_sses them off of most of the time', I get a 404 error, I don't have Admin access, etc.

Usually they hang up in exasperation.

I ask them which of my computers the virus is on. The one running Win 7 32 bit, the one running Win 7 64 bit, the one running Win 8.1, the virtual machine running Win 10, the virtual machine running XP, the virtual machine running Ubuntu, the notepad running Win 7 Starter or the 'skeleton' computer that I use for testing HDDs /memory /optical drives /PSUs /daughter boards /etc.? By the time I've got through that list, they're totally confused and start burbling about my 'main' computer. I ask them which is my 'main' computer, as I use them all, but at different times and for different things. After all, they're from 'Microsoft' and should [u]know[/u] which one has the virus! That usually gets them to hang up. If they don't, I shout obscenities down the line at them and hang up myself.

I also like wasting their time. Once I told them I had to start the PC, then it was running a virus check and it is slow as it is an old computer. She then had the cheek to suggest I was not actually doing these things.

As if I would lie to these low life's.....

Weedpharma

She then had the cheek to suggest I was not actually doing these things.

If it was my Windows 7 PC, which I deeply regret buying a few years ago, it would be perfectly true that, from the time I turn it on, to when it becomes usable1, is about 10 minutes.


1. I use the expression in the loosest possible sense.