Man bible.

Pre apology to the ladies

Right I am going to ask a few questions...No I didn't steal this.
We all know the MANS BIBLE doesn't say much apart from eat, drink and if ya dont have a partner (either way) then right or left hand makes a passable substitute..

You have the place to yourself for a few days so.....

A. There is no "Smell-O-Sweat" bubble bath left..

  1. Do you throw random shampoo and stuff of hers in fer shits and giggles and swoosh it around to mix it cos you will prob stink of sweat anyway when she gets home
  2. Go buy some but get the expensive stuff she wont let you have and if she mentions it say she must have gotten it for you.
  3. Nip under the kitchen sink and get the bleach and washing up liquid etc out.

B. You want something nice for a meal

  1. Grab the phone and order in.
  2. Actually cook cos you were taught.
  3. Hope the freezer holds out till she gets back.

C. Booze is running low and you need a stiff one (wait that's a different question) you need a drink.

  1. She has lots of stuff you don't normally touch but the voice in your head says she wont notice.
  2. Get off your butt and stock up like its the end days and hope its all gone before she gets home
  3. Call a buddy and go to his place and drink him dry.

D. You are getting low on socks and underclaat.

  1. Remember there are 4 sides to your smalls...front and back..inside out front and back and nobody could tell the socks from the burnt cheese on toast anyway.
  2. Tell your buddy your washing machine is pooched and get his missus to do em while the football is on.
  3. Dig out the manual for the washing machine and then stick everything in one load regardless of colour cos they all wash the same anyway.

E. You want to pull one off to your favourite KellyAnne Conway video but your running low on lotion.

  1. Start opening the wife's stuff and sniffing and checking the texture between your fingers.
  2. Reach for the margarine.
  3. Go dry and hope she doesn't notice the blisters when she gets back.

F. She gave you a list of jobs to be done before she gets back.

  1. Leave it till the day before and hope all the mess is impressive and tell her it took longer than you thought.
  2. Do it all right away and make everything extra clean in the hope of some rumpy pumpy when she gets home.
  3. Pick out just the easy ones and tell her you didn't have time for the shitty ones.

g. She said to go play golf or fish or your other favourite pastime. (See "E" if you don't have one)

  1. Think she meant the whole time she was away and go for it.
  2. Dont bother cos you know its more fun doing it when shes home to wind her up.
  3. Buy some new stuff for your pastime and tell her you had to cos your old stuff was garbage and the new stuff was on sale (regardless if it was or not)

H. Your man cave was supervised by your wife to keep the tone down.

  1. Figure what the hell its my space and go hog wild on a re-do cos you really needed those optics over the tiny beer fridge.
  2. Leave well alone cos you will need a truck load on snickers when she's angry.
  3. Make sure you remember to hide your secret stuff again before she gets home.

I know I missed some so feel free to add...

I feel like these choices are limited.

First one, skinny dipping in the hot tub.

Second and third one, drive across town to a bar and slip off the ring and order some steak.

2 if it works or 3 seems reasonable for the forth one...

3 is a good choice for fifth one..

Kellyanne Conway? Really? Woof!

Skeletors wife LOL

I thought that wuz 'is Mum!