but at that point myStepper.step() you're telling the motor how many steps to do per revolution
No. The step() method calls tells the stepper how many steps to take. OP is using it properly.
OP: If you can't make the motor move using:
void loop()
{
myStepper.step(100);
delay(100);
myStepper.step(-100);
delay(100);
}
without trying to tell it what speed to step at, then you have a hardware problem that no amount of code changing will resolve.