CrossRoads:
RESET 10uF to GNDWhat's that do? To my mind, that just keeps the Uno in Reset state, as such it cannot be used to Bootload the 1281.
From https://www.arduino.cc/en/Tutorial/ArduinoISP
Note for the Arduino Uno: you'll need to add a 10 uF capacitor between reset and ground.
It's intended to prevent the Uno from auto-resetting but I don't think it's necessary with the current version of the ArduinoISP sketch, certainly I never use one and haven't had a problem using the Arduino as ISP.