i am still attempting to getting this rainbowduino to work after many failures, is there a relatively simple solution to get this working? or a tutorial that explains it clearly? in short, how do i program this rainbowduino? as i dont want to throw the rainbowduino in the bin and call it a lost cause 
i am using a Revision 2.0 Rainbowduino
So, are you trying to use the Arduino UNO as a USB-to-Serial adapter like in these instructions?
yes, ive actually followed that schematic, and tried everything on that page before and still had no success ):
might it be better to try using a Duemilanove than a uno? and would using a Duemilanove 328 or 168 be better?
Does your Arduino have a removable processor? If so, removing it will simplify the problem quite a bit. If you don't, there is no way to reset the Rainbowduino with the Reset line of the Arduino without ALSO resetting the Arduino (which will start the bootloader). If the two bootloaders are using the same serial pins at the same time it is unlikely to work.