Wow, Thanks all for your great help lol.
After all my fiddling with the FTDI, i found a way to wire up my usbasp to the board.
And it worked. Don't know why that wasnt a suggested method of flashing in the first place. everywhere i read knowone said anything about being able to do it with a usbasp which i already had.
I could have saved my $10 and hours of work and just used my old usbasp.