Having no intention to be nosy, arrogant or so, I ask You to dig up the data sheet. They usually contain an application section telling things like that. Read the spec! You will not understand every parameter but surly You will find some useful information. Specs contain facts, not opinions...
That was my option starting with electronics 45 years ago.
Problem is, the example codes that i have looked into aduinos example codes it dont use the interrupt and reset pins (hence i asked if they really are important). you can see why on the schematics of the ethernet shield the int pin is basically just pulled up and not connected to anything else
To use interrupts You really need knowledge. It's not a miracle medicin to be used hastily by novice programmers.
Accessing the reset.... Sounds like a task for watchdog thinking. I could think of an external retrigger able flip flopp that would activate reset if the F F is not kicked in time.
The Reset pin is useful during initialization. It allows you to start the Wiznet from default configuration at start-up. If not used by the libraries, it's okay to skip the interrupt line, but personally, using them with the correct library makes your code cleaner and more responsive. Allows you to put the MCU to sleep too.