Lol thanks for trying. It really is a mess! Luckily my problem is already solved. I think it was a case of not knowing how to use the relay. My relay is being powered by the arduino on 3.3v (as this is the voltage that my xBees work at). It came with a beginner kit from oomlaut.com and this is what the accompanying tutorial instructed. There was no schematic or power information provided so i was kind of guessing.
This is the basic circuit i was working with http://www.oomlout.com/oom.php/products/ardx/circ-11 i am using the same relay and transistor.
I've had to adapt it to work with my mp3 player. The way i've wired it up now makes no sense according to the diagram but it works reliably so i'm quite happy with it.
Cheers!