Your best joke?

There was a thread like this on the old forum, but that was for programming jokes - this one is for any joke. If it is funny, post it!

Here are some to get started:

What do you call a donkey with three legs?

A wonkey donkey.

What do you call a donkey with three legs playing a keyboard?

A plonky wonky donkey.

What do you call a three legged donkey, playing a keyboard and a triangle?

A plinkey plonkey wonky donkey.

What do you call a three legged donkey, playing a keyboard and a triangle, and blowing a horn?

A plinkey plonkey wonkey honky donkey.

What do you call a donkey with three legs, playing a keyboard and a triangle, blowing a horn and winking?

A plinkey plonkey winkey wonkey honky donkey.

They are stupid, but aren't all jokes? :D Onions.

Translated from Danish to English, hope it is just as fun in English as it is in Danish :P

So there was this journalist, walking around in a prison, asking the inmates what they had done and how long they should be there.

In the first cell there was a white male, and she asked "What did you do?" And he replied "I took a machine gun to a shopping mall, and shoot 20 people, then got 20 years, but the judge said I could probably be out within 12 years..." In the next cell there was another white male, and she asked "What did you do?" And he replied "I shot and killed an entire school class, then got 30 years, but the judge said I could probably be out within 15..." In the last cell there was a black male, and she asked "What did you do?" And he replied "I was riding my bicycle without lights on, then got 50 years..." She then asked "Didn't the judge say anything else?" and he said "Well... That I just should be happy it weren't dark..."

That’s not only racist, it’s cyclist.

Do you know the difference between Europe and the United States?

In Europe, 100 miles is a long distance. In the US, 100 years is a long time.

A rabbit hops into a bar, jumps up on a stool, orders a beer. He sees the bar food menu, orders a ham and cheese toasted sandwich. Get's another beer, orders a ham, pineapple and cheese toasty,

Bit later on orders another beer and a tomato and cheese toasty, Barman says, "You sure you want another toasty?" Rabbit says, "Yeah mate! I'm alright!"

The rabbit gets halfway through his toasty, falls of the barstool, dead as a doornail.

Barman shakes his head and says, "I was afraid of that, tried to warn him." Another customer asks, "Why? What did he die of?"

Barman replies, "Mixing his toastys..."

Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? A: Because he was dead.

Q: Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree A: He was stapled to the first one.

Q: Why did the 3rd monkey fall out of the tree A: Monkey see, monkey do.

Q: Why did the 4th and 5th monkeys fall out of the tree? A: Murder-suicide.

Two gay men walking down the street when a gorgeous woman walks past them. One says to the other, "You know at times like this, I wish I was a lesbian."

Frog walks into a bank and up to the loan specialist. Upon reading her name plate he says "Hello Miss Wack, I'd like a loan for $100,000." The loan specialist says "Have a seat. And please, call me Patty. And you're name is?" "Kimit Jagger, nice to meet you." He replies.

"Now, for a loan of that size you'll need some sort of collateral. Do you have anything you can offer?" Kirmit pulls out a small porcelain ballerina and set's it on the desk. Patty looks at it in surprise and says "Is it an antique? Is it worth $100,000?" "No, probably not." Kirmit replies. "I just saw it at a yard sale for a dollar and liked it." Patty says "Well this is highly unusual. I'll have to go speak to my manager."

Patty picks up the trinket and heads off. As she's telling the story she can see the manager getting more and more upset. When she is done there is a pause and the manager is shaking his head slowly, clearly trying to stay calm. "What should I do?" says patty. The manager says in an irritated tone "It's a nick-nack Patty Wack, give the frog a loan. His old mans a Rolling Stone!"

BroHogan:
Two gay men walking down the street when a gorgeous woman walks past them.
One says to the other, “You know at times like this, I wish I was a lesbian.”

I wanted to point out that to my ear (eyes?) this seems rather demeaning to gays (and perhaps women, too); it basically is saying “all it would take to turn a gay man straight is a pretty girl” - which honestly is false on the surface of this conceit.

I have seen several men in my life that were nearly the “embodiment of lust” - the figure of a man who would appear in the most lusty of romance bodice rippers; these men were built, and very good looking.

Not once did I think, though, that “yeah, I wish I were gay”. I identify as majority “heterosexual” on the scale (I subscribe to the idea that sexual orientation falls on a scale with complete homosexuality on one end, and heterosexuality on the other; in the analog world of nature, it’s the only thing that makes sense and allows for bisexual individuals as well - though I recognize that it doesn’t take into account asexual people, unfortunately - if someone knows of a better model, I’m all ears), and have no urge to budge from that. I would think an individual identifying themselves as majority gay would respond in the same way. Otherwise, they are likely closer to the center (that of bisexualism) and not majority homosexual.

At least, that’s my take and opinion on it.

/I don’t have nor tell good jokes

Cr0sh,

it basically is saying "all it would take to turn a gay man straight is a pretty girl"

I think it says quite the contrary. However, if others also find it offensive - beyond homophobic reasons - I'd be happy to take it down.

Here is one that I like (I found it on some website):

Cool Teenage Martian: I was at a party on Mercury last night.

His Friend: Was it any good?

Cool Teenage Martian: No! It was really boring.

His Friend: How come?

Cool Teenage Martian: There was no atmosphere.

(From http://jokes.101funjokes.com/)

So these two amoebas walk into a bar ...

@cyberteque "Barman replies, "Mixing his toastys..." " Okay, what are toastys ??

@ KE7GKP

I live in a region where the socialist government tries their best to foist ill-fitting Euro solutions

Your tag shows you as in the USA - where's the socialist government?

attachment test …

Woo hoo! We can attach again!
David C upped the max allowed size of the attachment folder.

tricolor_LED.jpg

"Barman replies, "Mixing his toastys..." "

I didn't get it either. Sounds biological, though. How about: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Myxomatosis

What's this?

   NaCl[sub]aq[/sub]  NaCl[sub]aq[/sub]
----------------------
    C C C C C C C

Answer (hard to see colors; select to see?): Saline Saline, over the seven C's

Thanks westfw! The perfect joke for my daughter who's studying Chemical Oceanography!

AWOL: @ KE7GKP

I live in a region where the socialist government tries their best to foist ill-fitting Euro solutions

Your tag shows you as in the USA - where's the socialist government?

Awol, from his central Oregon reference earlier, I have a feeling I know where he lives roughly speaking. I would believe round abouts annoy him as much as others I know. That particular cities goverment is fairly liberal.

Never be a virgin because if you are when you die and you go to heaven they make you f**k a suicide bomber.