getting bmp's to work on 3 1/2 " touch screen.

If you provide accurate information I will help you with the items that you possess on your desk.

I am not going to waste my time until you have:

Compare the photos of the ER-TFT035-6 with the item on your desk.
Tell me what the differences are e.g. mounted components, pcb track layout, jumpers (solder-bridges)

Likewise for the ER-AS-ILI9341 pcb

Q1. You can access A0-A15 headers and the TX/RX/I2C header. Looks like 24 spare GPIO pins !!

Q6. The example works. Attach your sketch.

Regarding Q7, Q8, Q9. UTFT supports SSD1963_16. It does not support RA8875.
But you can read the UTFT docs yourself.

David.