there are always choices.
as I see from what the OP is saying, is that the system needs to work with or without the Arduino.
that he wants to use toggle, lever action switches, 3-way or 4-way, and is fine with running 3 wire for the circuit.
what I was getting at was that if you put a bank or relays in the home automation panel, you have a starting point that is both accessible and conveniently located.
in order to measure if the light is lit, you have many choices. a light sensor. a heat sensor, a voltage sensor and a current sensor.
light and heat are only present at the lamp itself.
voltage is present at all times on some wires, which wires depends on the state of the switches, and only the wire to the lamp will have voltage when the lamp has power. ergo, the only valid place to measure voltage is at the lamp.
since you have a central panel, you have a single common power wire. if the lamp is lit, there is current. if the lamp is not lit, there is no current. there is always voltage.
it is my belief that a choice between running a wire from each lamp back to a panel is more difficult that testing for power at the main panel. I also believe that since the OP does not trust in automation, that having the central location makes troubleshooting easier.
sorry for the short-hand. ESP. there is a board with an ESP8266 chip that is a drop in replacement for the UNO, but with only 1 analog pin. but it has built-in WiFi it can do all the logic and sensing and control, but handles the WiFi bit
http://www.aliexpress.com/
search for espduino
I always say application-application-application
the choice of a local current transformer vs running a wire across the house back to the panel
or locating the Arduino in the wall next to a light switch in the room that the light is in.
I would try to make the case that having an Arduino in every room, one for each light would be difficult, but in all honesty, I like modular and single device controls.
although, one Arduino could control all the lights in the house.
TIPS :
if you are doing a whole house, put in a relay on the light above the stove. most stoves today has an indicator when they are hot.
bathroom fan, add a humidity sensor to turn it on and off
provide a CT on the washer and dryer as well. can text your phone when done.