How did you disable auto-reset?
.2uf ceramic capacitor between 5v and reset on the mega 2560. I tried going back to arduino ide 0023. still the same problem. Just thought about this, The atmega328 that i am trying to bootload already had a bootloader on it when i purchased it but it is loaded for the uno setup with an external 16mhz crystal. I am trying to load the minimalist bootloader on it. Is this what is causing the problem?
I don't recall ever reading that...
jeremydial1981:
.2uf ceramic capacitor
...or...
between 5v and reset
...being recommended to disable auto-reset.
The recommendation is 10 uF (despite what everyone says, size does matter ]:D) connected between RESET and GND ...
http://arduino.cc/playground/Main/DisablingAutoResetOnSerialConnection
I am trying to load the minimalist bootloader on it. Is this what is causing the problem?
No.
ok ok. . . i think i was accidentally combining both methods listed in the tutorial you linked to resistor between reset and 5v and the capacitor between reset and ground. and for the capacitor . . . my wife always tells me that size doesn't matter so i was just going off of that 
maybe i should rethink . . lol also am I correct that if using an arduino uno rev 3 that i DO NOT need to disable any auto-reset. Sorry if my questions are pretty basic but I am new and learning. I really do appreciate all the help.
jeremydial1981:
i think i was accidentally combining both methods listed in the tutorial you linked to resistor between reset and 5v and the capacitor between reset and ground.
Which reminds me: A few folks have reported having to use both a resistor and a a capacitor to disable auto-reset.
and for the capacitor . . . my wife always tells me that size doesn't matter so i was just going off of that
There is a minimum size and I believe 0.2 uF is below the minimum. Your wife is correct as long as you meet the minimum requirement.
also am I correct that if using an arduino uno rev 3 that i DO NOT need to disable any auto-reset
MAY NOT. I have a R2 board that works very well without having to disable auto-reset. Presumably, an R3 board should work just as well.
The best plan is start with a capacitor (and/or a resistor) to disable auto-reset. Once you have that working, test without the capacitor (resistor).
I really do appreciate all the help
You are welcome.
Finally got around to programming an ATtiny85 (internal 8MHz) using UNO as ISP last night but ran down before success with a 328PU. I made the avrdude.conf hack and used the breadboard.zip files to go the minimalist internal clock route there but ran out of steam and time before success.
I'll get back into it but wonder if there's better info? The last page I went from was here:
The main error was a synch problem IIRC, that was about 5:30AM when I ran out of steam.
I have an ftdi friend device (the price was nice), would using that make any of this easier?