so i've just ordered this LCD which is meant to be with hebrew fonts, but it seems (if i read it's pinout correctly, that unlike the standard lcd it's pinout don't match the standard i2c (i think it's standard)
for example the smaller lcd has D7 on pin 14, but that pin is 3rd from the right,
while on the bigger one pin 14 seems to be on the outmost left.
by connected wrong, have i fried either the i2c or the bigger lcd?
The display has no I2C interface, you seem to mean something different.
I wouldn't expect anything "standard" in display module connectors. Standard are a few display controllers whose pins can be found in the module connectors and can be used with the same libraries. If a display does not work when wired as indicated in the data sheet then I'd return it and look for more reliable offers.
In general LCD modules with the row of pins at the upper left have the pins numbered sequentially, as expected, with pin number 1 near the edge of the board.
Also in general LCD modules with the row of pins at the lower left usually have the pins in a different order, sometimes (but not always) as shown in the initial post.
It is interesting to see that in the link provided in post #3 that the pictures on the left show the row of pins in the expected upper left location yet the enlarged picture on the right side shows the row of pins at the lower right.
EDIT: This should have said "... the pins at the lower left."
To answer your question "have i fried either the i2c or the bigger lcd?" ... I don't think so but the only way to find out is to de-solder the adapter and reconnect it as shown in post #8. The I2C adapter is not likely to have been damaged by connecting its outputs incorrectly and the displays themselves tend to be quite robust.