How much weight can a torque carry?
May depend on the measurements.
I have been lucky in obtaining a copy of the rare 'THE GREAT PYRAMID:
PROOF OF GOD', by Professor George Riffert, and been filled with
Messianic Numerological Fervour. God, who has demanded Blind Acts of
Faith from his followers for many years, has finally been Found Out. In
this discourse I shall make use of a measurement of my own devising
called the 'Pyramid Furlong', which is the distance from Gizeh to
Beijing divided by the number of blocks along one basal side of the
Great Pyramid. Using this measurement, we may see - incredible though
it may seem - that the base of the Great Pyramid is exactly the number
of blocks in length as would be required to reach from Gizeh to Beijing,
were each block a Pyramid Furlong in length! Furthermore, were the
Great Pyramid itself large enough to reach from Gizeh to Beijing, each
of its blocks would be exactly a Pyramid Furlong long. Coincidence?
There are others. The Great Pyramid possesses FIVE faces - the number
of Chinese Elements - and EIGHT edges - the number of directions in the
I Ching. Furthermore, it is also built to contain Mummified Pharaohs,
who, due to the amorphous and non-polyhedral nature of Pharaohs, have
ONE face - coincidentally also the number of faces normally possessed by
Chinese people - and NO sharp edges - the number of Live Rhinoceroses
which have Sat On Deng Xiao Ping since 1945.
What can this mean but that Chinese people built the pyramids? Now, at
last, the function of the Pyramids falls into place; the pyramids are
nothing but gigantic pyramidal-mausoleum-shaped Chinese Laundries. It
must be remembered that no Pharaonic Mummy has ever been discovered in a
Pyramid - however, it must also be remembered that our Dear Queen Mother
has never been discovered in a Launderette. Originally, the Sarcophagi
would have revolved, being filled with new Cocaine-Fresh MUMMIA for a
New Brown Tarry Whiteness that leaves other Embalming Fluids Far Behind
and Washes Black Pharaohs Whiter Than White, and would only have been a
Temporary Repository for one's Divine Ancestor when one wished to clean
his bandages. 'Oh, tut, Tut', they would say, 'You have been romping in
the blood of Foolhardy Egyptologists again. I do hope my old powder can
get these brain stains out at below 50 degrees C.' The mummies would
sit in a line, possibly waving to their cheery elderly relatives tossing
and tumbling in the foamy suds.
What powered these Pyramid Laundries? ATOMIC POWER, taking the form of
Cold Fusion in the Plutonium Blocks of which the King's Chamber is
What is known about Cold Fusion?
(1) It requires a Cold Fission Reaction to set it off
(2) It may well be Colder than Hot Fusion
(3) It releases vast quantities of Helium
What did the Ancient Sino-Egyptians do with this helium? They SOLD IT
TO THE NAZCA INDIANS TO FILL THEIR HOT AIR BALLOONS WITH IN RETURN FOR
CRACK COCAINE. There is a Helium Pipeline beneath the Great Pyramid
which plunges beneath the Atlantic. How is the Helium piped to Nazca?
It is Greatly Supercooled, which makes it Flow Down The Pipe To Nazca Of
Its Own Accord. This is why HITLER is currently inside the Great
Pyramid. He is planning to build a second Hindenburg, out of Helium -
and this one will not burn.
Reverend Colonel Ignatius Churchward Von Berlitz M.A. (Dom. Sci.) Oxon.
Of course, the King's Chamber is *not composed of Radioactive
Plutonium. This proves conclusively that the Great Pyramid is at least
one million years old, since the Plutonium of which it was originally
constructed has now decayed sufficiently to become harmless Granite.
This in turn proves that the Great Pyramid was constructed by Sheep.**
**Professor Riffert, page 65, THE GREAT PYRAMID: PROOF OF GOD:-
'...we learn that while the Egyptians worshipped everything down
to crocodiles or snakes, they hated sheep. Under no circumstances were
A natural reaction, surely, for a people now known to have been Racially
Jewish, who were forced to ferry Proud Imperious Sheep to Australia on
the backs of Dead Hebrews against their will.
Professor Riffert's most startling discovery is the fact that the figure
'1844' appears repeatedly in Pyramidological Measurement. Professor
Riffert concludes that the Egyptians were celebrating the Great
Precessional Cycle of the Heavens which concluded in the year 1844, but
I believe them to have been communicating a Dire Warning. What occurred
in the year 1844? The Invention of the Morse Telegraph and Laughing Gas
- a great year for the advancement of Long-Distance Dentistry - but also
the Foundation of the Young Men's Christian Association. I have long
been suspicious of this organization, particularly since its members
began to sport Construction Helmets and Handlebar Moustaches, and sing
Jolly Songs concerning the Companionship of Young Men Together.