Did you use a resistor in series with the opto LED. Try 220-470 ohm.
That won't dim the existing LED much, while still pushing enough current to the opto LED.
Connect the opto transistor between pin and ground of the ESP, with internal pull up enabled.
No resistor on the ESP side.
Leo..
You could identify the appliance's LED's current-limiting resistor and pick the signal off there and add your own current limiting resistor into the optocoupler.
I think you can increase the resistor for the opto LED to 1k. I doubt that would dim the red LED.
Don't use a diode. Only use internal pull up on the ESP side.
Leo..
i will go another way. instead of reading the led status (on or off), i will monitor AC by hooking A2 and A3, which will indicate the the device is on or off, as the relay K1 controls it.
This way i will simplify the design, with SSR triggered by PC817 in parallel to T1, T2 and T3, and an AC sensor monitoring A2 and A3.
This way i can make it work using MQTT (sending and reding topics).